i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
