I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
