but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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