She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
