I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
