I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
