I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
