i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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