Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
