Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
