How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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