Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
