i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
