I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
