i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
