no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
