"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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