Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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