mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
