It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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