omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
