but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
