Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
