I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
