Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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