Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
