I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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