She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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