I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
