I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
and you fell through a lawn chair
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
