i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
did i walk over a car last night?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
