Swine flu. Run for my life!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
