In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
