but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
