if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
