I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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