Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
