remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
