I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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