They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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