I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
