how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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