had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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