yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
