I could have mohawked her pubes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
