I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
