so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
