Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
