He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
