i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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